{"id":8239,"date":"2015-04-13T08:37:33","date_gmt":"2015-04-13T12:37:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jimbovard.com\/blog\/?p=8239"},"modified":"2015-04-13T08:40:46","modified_gmt":"2015-04-13T12:40:46","slug":"usa-today-my-devils-dictionary","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jimbovard.com\/blog\/2015\/04\/13\/usa-today-my-devils-dictionary\/","title":{"rendered":"USA Today: My Devil&#8217;s Dictionary"},"content":{"rendered":"<h2><strong>USA TODAY\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 April 13, 2015<\/h2>\n<h2><a href=\"http:\/\/www.usatoday.com\/story\/opinion\/2015\/04\/13\/tax-season-bureaucratic-lingo-dictionary-of-terms-column\/25456971\/\"><strong>Tax-time devil&#8217;s dictionary of DC lingo<\/strong><\/a><\/h2>\n<p>by James Bovard<\/p>\n<p><em>Having trouble with the &#8216;Washingtonese&#8217; around April 15? Look no further for a translation.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>April 15 is the day each year when Americans are most likely to slander Washington. Unfortunately, the city&#8217;s nebulous nomenclature deters citizens from recognizing exactly how well their elected leaders serve them.<\/p>\n<p>To bridge the gap between the nation&#8217;s capital and the American people, here is Washingtonese translated into the vernacular:<\/p>\n<p>Principled \u2014 profitably pliable with pious pretenses<\/p>\n<p>Historic \u2014 different than last week<\/p>\n<p>Unprecedented \u2014 different than last month<\/p>\n<p>Emergency \u2014 the gift that keeps giving<\/p>\n<p>Transparency \u2014 a pledge ritually made in lieu of full disclosure<\/p>\n<p>Inspector general \u2014 honorary figureheads placed over federal agencies to foster the illusion that nothing can go amiss<\/p>\n<p>Laissez-faire \u2014 any economic relationship not yet under complete federal control<\/p>\n<p>Truth \u2014 whatever people will swallow<\/p>\n<p>Majestic \u2014 whatever people bow to<\/p>\n<p>Legacy \u2014 any political boast that survives more than three 24-hour news cycles<\/p>\n<p>Idealism \u2014 an incantation that expunges all past warnings about political power<\/p>\n<p>Kleptocracy \u2014 thieving foreign politicians (not valid domestically)<\/p>\n<p>Precedent \u2014 a perfidy entitlement<\/p>\n<p>State of the Union address \u2014 annual fact-flogging keystone of the Pundit Relief Program<\/p>\n<p>Sovereignty \u2014 legal synonym for impunity<\/p>\n<p>Czar \u2014 a political tool whose appointment and grandiose title can temporarily deflect criticism of a bureaucratic quagmire<\/p>\n<p>Due process \u2014 any government process that gives troublemakers what they deserve<\/p>\n<p>Gross Domestic Product \u2014 a long-running statistical burlesque invoked to justify perpetuating calamitous policies<\/p>\n<p>Taxation \u2014 preemptive protection from pecuniary temptation<\/p>\n<p>Handout \u2014 a government benefit received primarily by the supporters of the other party<\/p>\n<p>Misgovernment \u2014 an imaginary occurrence which only imbeciles and rubes believe exists<\/p>\n<p>Ethics \u2014 a Swiss-cheese set of rules that almost always pre-absolves political business-as-usual<\/p>\n<p>Non-partisan \u2014 fervently prejudiced against everything except Republicans and Democrats<\/p>\n<p>Mandate \u2014 whatever a winning politician can get away with<\/p>\n<p>Honorable \u2014 any public figure who has not yet been indicted<\/p>\n<p>Bill of Rights \u2014 (archaic) political invocation popular in 1790s<\/p>\n<p>Fair play \u2014 any process in which politicians or bureaucrats pick winners and losers<\/p>\n<p>Extremist \u2014 anyone who disagrees with or undermines official policy<\/p>\n<p>Rule of Law \u2014 the latest edicts from a deputy assistant Labor Secretary or deputy assistant HUD Secretary<\/p>\n<p>Patriotic \u2014 any appeal that keeps people paying and obeying<\/p>\n<p>Waste \u2014 federal spending that fails to generate laudatory headlines, votes or campaign contributions<\/p>\n<p>Corruption \u2014 any offense that can be profitably prosecuted to restore faith in &#8220;good governance&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Voting rights \u2014 any electoral arrangement which satisfies editorial writers without imperiling the dominance of Republicans or Democrats<\/p>\n<p>Proof \u2014 allegations backed by campaign contributions<\/p>\n<p>Pragmatic \u2014 any monumental bipartisan accord which keeps the gravy train flowing inside the Beltway for at least another 90 days<\/p>\n<p>Constitutional \u2014 any White House action that fails to spur simultaneous armed uprisings in the majority of Red States<\/p>\n<p>Freedom \u2014 whatever rulers have not yet benevolently prohibited<\/p>\n<p>Humility \u2014 any politician who does not swear that both God and Jesus pre-ordained his reelection<\/p>\n<p>Scofflaw \u2014 someone whose missteps can miraculously transform a prosecutor into a congressman<\/p>\n<p>Hero \u2014 anyone who can boost Americans&#8217; trust in government by 2% or more<\/p>\n<p>Respectable \u2014 anyone who vociferously venerates the Status Quo<\/p>\n<p>Election \u2014 when voters are permitted to freely consent to one of the two aspiring despots offered by the major parties<\/p>\n<p>Good faith \u2014 any pronouncement a government spokesman publicly recites without guffawing<\/p>\n<p>Law \u2014 Any hodgepodge of commands and special interest windfalls heaved together under a misleading title which is rubberstamped by Congress and fails to make five Supreme Court justices visibly retch<\/p>\n<p>Cynic \u2014 anyone who expresses doubt about the latest bipartisan agreement to gradually eliminate the federal budget deficit over the next 117 years<\/p>\n<p>Anarchist \u2014 anyone who advocates across-the-board spending cuts of more than 3.63%<\/p>\n<p>Injustice \u2014 any purported private abuse that provides a sufficient pretext to enact new legislation promising to rid the nation of evil<\/p>\n<p>Scurrilous \u2014 anyone who mentions previous federal failures when the president proposes glorious new programs<\/p>\n<p>Liberate \u2014 Appending new criminal penalties to the statute book to rid citizens of the latest vice identified by Beltway visionaries<\/p>\n<p>Legitimacy \u2014 whatever<\/p>\n<p>James Bovard is the author of <strong>Public Policy Hooligan.<br \/>\n<\/strong>On Twitter @jimbovard<\/p>\n<p>A special hat tip here to Ambrose Bierce and his wonderful <a href=\"http:\/\/www.gutenberg.org\/ebooks\/972\">Devil&#8217;s Dictionary<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/jimbovard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/devils-dictionary-book-cover-11.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft wp-image-8240\" src=\"http:\/\/jimbovard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/devils-dictionary-book-cover-11.jpg\" alt=\"devils dictionary book cover 11\" width=\"200\" height=\"304\" srcset=\"https:\/\/jimbovard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/devils-dictionary-book-cover-11.jpg 382w, https:\/\/jimbovard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/devils-dictionary-book-cover-11-99x150.jpg 99w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\" \/><br \/>\n<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>USA TODAY\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 April 13, 2015 Tax-time devil&#8217;s dictionary of DC lingo by James Bovard Having trouble with the &#8216;Washingtonese&#8217; around April 15? Look no further for a translation. April 15 is the day each year when Americans are most likely to slander Washington. Unfortunately, the city&#8217;s nebulous nomenclature deters citizens from recognizing exactly how well [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":8240,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[274,327,372,52,194,45,441,509,152,27,136,165,586,14,170,24,179,151],"class_list":["post-8239","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-buffoonery","tag-cynicism","tag-cynicism-2","tag-democracy","tag-epigrams","tag-freedom","tag-history","tag-humor","tag-lawsuit","tag-lying","tag-nanny-state-2","tag-paternalism","tag-political-lexicon-devils-dictionary","tag-rule-of-law","tag-sovereign-immunity","tag-supreme-court","tag-taxes","tag-waste"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>USA Today: My Devil&#039;s Dictionary - James Bovard<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/jimbovard.com\/blog\/2015\/04\/13\/usa-today-my-devils-dictionary\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"USA Today: My Devil&#039;s Dictionary - James Bovard\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"USA TODAY\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 April 13, 2015 Tax-time devil&#8217;s dictionary of DC lingo by James Bovard Having trouble with the &#8216;Washingtonese&#8217; around April 15? 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The Wall Street Journal called Bovard \"the roving inspector general of the modern state\" and Washington Post columnist George Will called him a \"one-man truth squad.\" His 1994 book, Lost Rights: The Destruction of American Liberty, received the Free Press Association\u2019s Mencken Award as Book of the Year. His Terrorism &amp; Tyranny won the Lysander Spooner \"Best Book on Liberty in 2003\" award. He received the Thomas Szasz Award for Civil Liberties work, awarded by the Center for Independent Thought and the Freedom Fund Award from the Firearms Civil Rights Defense Fund of the National Rifle Association. Bovard\u2019s writings have been publicly denounced by FBI director Louis Freeh, the Secretary of Agriculture, the Secretary of Housing and Urban Development, the Postmaster General, and the chiefs of the U.S. International Trade Commission, the Drug Enforcement Administration, the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, and the Federal Emergency Management Agency, as well as by many congressmen and other malcontents.","sameAs":["http:\/\/www.jimbovard.com","https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/jim.bovard","https:\/\/x.com\/jimbovard"],"url":"https:\/\/jimbovard.com\/blog\/author\/admin\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jimbovard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8239","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jimbovard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jimbovard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jimbovard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jimbovard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8239"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/jimbovard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8239\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8243,"href":"https:\/\/jimbovard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8239\/revisions\/8243"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jimbovard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/8240"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jimbovard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8239"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jimbovard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8239"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jimbovard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8239"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}