This is Constitution Day. The National Archives is holding a celebration in which children can stop by and sign a “faux Constitution.” George Bush issued a statement earlier this week proclaiming:
America is grateful to those who have worked to defend the Constitution and promote its ideals. During this observance, we also recognize the profound impact our Constitution has on the everyday lives of our citizens, and we call upon all Americans to help uphold its values of a free and just society.
NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim September 17, 2006, as Constitution Day and Citizenship Day, and September 17 through September 23, 2006, as Constitution Week. I encourage Federal, State, and local officials, as well as leaders of civic, social, and educational organizations, to conduct ceremonies and programs that celebrate our Constitution and reaffirm our rights and responsibilities as citizens of our great Nation.
Bush is right. The Constitution is vital. It is also vital for Americans to find important contemporary ways to celebrate its anniversary.
In this Age of Bush, here are a few ideas for properly commemorating the event:
1) Wiretap your neighbor. If he discovers it and complains, ask him whose side he is on and what does he have to hide. Send the tapes of all conversations to the local FBI.
2) Capture and torture an illegal immigrant. If he confesses, turn him in. If he doesn’t confess, try new methods to extract the truth.
3) Notify your mortgage company that you appended a secret “signing statement” when you signed the mortgage. Thus, you are relieved of any duty to continue monthly payments.
What are other appropriate Bush-style ways to celebrate the anniversary of the Constitution this week?