My Latest Terrorist Tendencies

I was subwaying into Washington last night when I learned of a grave new terrorist peril.

The train’s driver kept repeating, “For safety and security reasons, please do not take pictures or video recordings of Metro trains and buses.”  He recited this core message with often  mystifying enunciation after each subway station.

To jazz up the rendition, he occasionally added ominously at the end of the announcement: “POLICE WILL BE NOTIFIED.”

If that actually happened, it could wake up Metro police, putting them in a more surly mood than usual. The subway police are renown for their heroics in  arresting 12 year old girls criminally consuming French Fries within Metro confines.  But in recent years, they have broadened their hassle-outreach.

I took some photos of a subway train entering the Tenleytown  station a few weeks ago.  To my untrained eye, the photos all looked like crap, thanks to my camera savvy and the dim lighting in the station.   But to experts at Homeland Security, the blurs might contain a secret message for Al Qaeda.

I was not surprised to learn of my terrorist tendencies, since people have been emailing me such accusations IN ALL CAPS for the last 4 years.  But I did a quick Google search and found heaps of clear photos of the Washington subway.

Even worse, the subway system itself has created and released photographs of trains.   Terrorist infiltration of the subway system might but probably doesn’t explain all the recent train breakdowns and delays.

Unfortunately, I was the only person on the train who snorted loudly when the driver announced the photo ban and the police warning.  Perhaps people in Washington are more docile than elsewhere – perhaps some people are comforted by the endless halfwit bans.

At least in Washington, antiterrorism BS still sells.


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21 Responses to My Latest Terrorist Tendencies

  1. Jorge November 12, 2006 at 3:27 pm #

    Jim, just a matter of time before they black bag you and dump you into a secret prison in Kazakhstan. All the politicos in DC will then feel much safer knowing that a dangerous terrorist is safely locked away.

  2. Jim November 12, 2006 at 4:23 pm #

    According to surveys by both Michelin and Zagat’s, Kazak cuisine has sharply improved since the fall of the Soviet Union.

    I wonder if the FBI and Metro police will begin conducting raids on the MotoPhoto shops in the DC area, preemptively seizing terrorist-enabling subway pictures.

  3. Sol November 12, 2006 at 5:09 pm #

    “Perhaps people in Washington are more docile than elsewhere – perhaps some people are comforted by the endless halfwit bans.”

    The AmeriKan sheeple love their government masters. It makes no difference that their masters take well over a third of everything they make, debase the currency, run up ruinous debt, destroy the Bill of Rights and create quaqmires abroad, the legitimicacy of the Republicrats and Demopublicans is never questioned. See y’all in Gitmo while our fellow “citizens” are doing this

  4. Scott November 12, 2006 at 7:38 pm #

    I was not surprised to learn of my terrorist tendencies, since people have been emailing me such accusations IN ALL CAPS for the last 4 years.



  5. Brian Rubendall November 12, 2006 at 8:21 pm #

    It doesn’t surprise me. My government office in Arlington, VA recently was locked down for a HAZMAT sscare because some hysterical moron found (horrors!)…white powder ON THE FLOOR OF THE LADIES ROOM.

    After an hour, the HAZMAT team determined that the suspected “Anthrax” was, if fact, baby powder.

    These are the times we live in, unfortunately.

  6. Jim November 12, 2006 at 9:18 pm #

    Brian –
    Having lived in Arlington County, Virginia for two years – it doesn’t surprise me that the ladies room floor was speckled with baby powder.

    Oh, the stories I could tell about Arlington women.

  7. Jim November 12, 2006 at 9:44 pm #

    Scott – what do you mean, “Right”?

    You turning “state’s evidence,” or what?

  8. Kaz November 13, 2006 at 1:47 am #

    more mindless symbolic action from brain dead bureaucrats… when you can go to Google and get every freakin subway image you want from the comfort of your cave in Pakistan, photo bans like this are just meaningless rules from incompetent bureaucrats.

    You’re doing a heckuva job, Brownie!

  9. Marc Swanson November 13, 2006 at 2:09 am #

    Perhaps extending the photography ban to all “publicly accessible” areas, particularly those that are government owned, will be the next logical step. Come to think of it, it would serve them well to include all verbal descriptions as well – especially complaints about waste, stupidity, and shoddy service.

  10. Original Steve November 13, 2006 at 6:14 am #

    I heard you are hiding terrorists in your beard, Jim

  11. Saturdaynightspecial November 13, 2006 at 6:28 am #

    Instead of “there’s a giant on the beach” (or in our subways); it’s now “the liberals ARE on the beach.”

    I have not seen Richard Durbin walk with a more cocky sway than since November 7. What is this maniac now thinking ? Maybe he’s thinking about banning cameras from the subways and train stations to keep us safe and secure ?

  12. Jim November 13, 2006 at 9:17 am #

    Steve – my beard would not provide sufficient cover even for a midget terrorist.

    But I suppose it is big enough for RFID chips.

  13. Carol Moore in DC November 13, 2006 at 10:19 am #

    Guess I better turn myself in. I was taking JOKE photos of my black cardboard bomb with the yellow and black circle on it (the nuke I bring to the white house a couple times a week) right inside the metro card. A few people were laughing with me. I guess we are ALL going to the camps now!!

  14. Jim November 13, 2006 at 10:56 am #

    If you didn’t have any Farsi lettering on your sign, they might let you go.

  15. Barbara Minich November 13, 2006 at 11:02 am #

    When one is a terrorist for voting for candidates who were actually allowed on a ballot, the need to carry a toothbrush at all times is obvious. Never mind that one can find directions on how to build a nuke on a wingnut supported website proving the existence of WMDs…

  16. Jim November 13, 2006 at 12:53 pm #

    Good point.

    I am surprised that there was so little controversy over the Bush administration’s recent boneheaded action in posting ‘build your own nuke’ instructions on its anti-Saddam website.

    I suppose as long as the Bush team says it was not their intent to spur nuclear proliferation, they must be judged blameless.

    And the media accepts that “there is nothing to see here” and moves along.

  17. Adam S. November 13, 2006 at 8:08 pm #

    Why Mr. Mohammed Al-Bovard, to be a perfect subversive, you must wear your obligatory terrorist t-shirt ( the subway. It is simply the ultimate accessory in disrespecting the Great Leader. Remember we must all make sure the secret police aren’t sleeping on the job.

  18. Jim November 13, 2006 at 8:29 pm #

    I don’t have any terrorist t-shirts.

    I do have a couple t-shirts I bought at gun shows, including one that made a six year old boy swoon when I wore it to a Halloween Party.  (His mother explained to him that the drawing on the shirt was only a cartoon and that the Roadrunner wasn’t really dead and Wily E. Coyote doesn’t really have an AR-15).

    And, for subway travel, the perfect accessory for that t-shirt would be my ratty old trombone case. And maybe sunglasses.

  19. Alpowolf November 16, 2006 at 11:45 am #

    A photo ban is pretty pathetic considering that our glorious government provides plenty of detailed info at their website

    Oops! Does typing out that url make me a terrorist? I’m fairly certain I could find some shit-for-brains politician who would say “yes”.

  20. Jim November 16, 2006 at 12:08 pm #

    Interesting point – but is your phrase on politicians a bit redundant?

  21. David November 30, 2006 at 3:20 pm #

    DC = creepy vibe