Best Thumbnail Explanation of NSA Spying Scandal

nsaThe Onion has the best explanation I have yet seen on how the National Security Agency surveils average Americans. But to be honest, I’m not sure if “Step 9” is accurate. From The Onion:

Step 1: NSA goes to Gmail, guesses “puppy64” as the password for all usernames, and successfully gains access to over 5 million email accounts

Step 2: Hits Ctrl+F, types “illegal activity”

Step 3: For anyone who doesn’t have a computer, NSA agents bring one right over to your home for you to use

Step 4: Automated bots install a tracking program on your internet browser, which logs your incredibly pathetic cycle of only ever visiting the same five sad little websites

Step 5: Randomly texts “what’s up?” to citizens and keeps detailed records of everyone’s responses

Step 6: Four thousand NSA workers silently tell themselves what they’re doing is okay

Step 7: You know how your password turns into dots after you type it? Well, the NSA figured out how to read dots

Step 8: NSA agent comes to your house and beats the piss out of you until you give him the information he wants

Step 9: America saved

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2 Responses to Best Thumbnail Explanation of NSA Spying Scandal

  1. Brian Wilson August 5, 2013 at 6:46 pm #

    Here’s the pisser:

    Step 6: Four thousand NSA workers silently tell themselves what they’re doing is okay

  2. John M August 6, 2013 at 10:01 pm #

    Well, at least someone is covering the story…