The Onion has the best explanation I have yet seen on how the National Security Agency surveils average Americans. But to be honest, I’m not sure if “Step 9” is accurate. From The Onion:
Step 1: NSA goes to Gmail, guesses “puppy64” as the password for all usernames, and successfully gains access to over 5 million email accounts
Step 2: Hits Ctrl+F, types “illegal activity”
Step 3: For anyone who doesn’t have a computer, NSA agents bring one right over to your home for you to use
Step 4: Automated bots install a tracking program on your internet browser, which logs your incredibly pathetic cycle of only ever visiting the same five sad little websites
Step 5: Randomly texts “what’s up?” to citizens and keeps detailed records of everyone’s responses
Step 6: Four thousand NSA workers silently tell themselves what they’re doing is okay
Step 7: You know how your password turns into dots after you type it? Well, the NSA figured out how to read dots
Step 8: NSA agent comes to your house and beats the piss out of you until you give him the information he wants
Step 9: America saved
Here’s the pisser:
Step 6: Four thousand NSA workers silently tell themselves what they’re doing is okay
Well, at least someone is covering the story…